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I think of myself as a grade-two thinker, more than that of William Golding's statement, an individual who is ambivalent, thinking but bowing to prejudice, holding on but still bound by desire, armed with knowledge but still lacking independence.

I have always believed that my thinking is different, and I believe that the breadth, depth, and precision of my thinking are far beyond comprehension. I even use it to prove that true masterpieces are often too high to be popular. Take the superhero movies that have been hits during the last two decades. I've always had my Marvel scholars around me, but I've always enshrined the dark and social elements of DC films. Zack Snyder's “Watchmen” and Christopher Nolan's “Batman” trilogy are the masterpieces of my heart forever. Marvel's popcorn-like, mass-produced movies are, in my eyes, inarticulate and presumptuous, with flowery special effects and wizened plots that I find hard to take in in one gulp. I have always been proud to have this kind of thinking, which is a reflection of my independent thinking and higher level of knowledge. This sense of pride is at an unprecedented pitch after I saw a series of world-renowned directors, including Cameron, give interviews in which they criticized Marvel as a dump and a vandal of the film industry—great minds think alike. But unfortunately, when these Marvel fans invited me to go see the latest Marvel movie, the high-minded ego decided to go. I was exhilarated and satisfied by the time I actually munched on the "crap", and ended up arguing about the real meaning of the Easter eggs and nods as well as the insinuative hints. I was the one who refused the charity while gobbling up the food in the bowl.

For me, life is the key to the paradox. When somebody comes up to you and thrusts a wad of bills into your hand, I won't be the one to say no, even if I still can't change the fact that I'm only worthy of drowning my sorrows in a greasy spoon. If things go the way I want them to, I'll brag about it; but if things go out of control, I'll be humiliated by it. But one loud slap after another in the face made my brain hum, and I seemed to have spied a glimmer of hope for grade-one thinking. Perhaps a disconnected "intellectual" like me would die of ease or famine if I didn't recognize the true meaning of life—not all things are sweet, not all days are happy, life is not easy, cherish it.

我认为自己就是一个二级思考者，但不限于威廉戈尔丁的那套说辞，更像一个矛盾的、有所思考但仍向成见低头的、有所坚守但仍被欲望裹挟的、用知识武装但仍缺乏独立的个体。

我一直坚信自己的思考与众不同，我认为我所思考的广度、深度、精度远非常人可以理解，我甚至以此来佐证真正的杰作往往都是曲高和寡的。以近二十年爆火的超级英雄片为例，我身边永远都有狂热的漫威影迷，但我一直把DC影片中的黑暗元素与社会元素奉为圭臬。扎克施奈德的《守望者》和克里斯托弗诺兰的《蝙蝠侠》三部曲是我心中永远的神作。漫威这种爆米花式的量产院线片在我眼中就是一种不知所云的自我感动，花花绿绿的特效和干瘪的剧情让我实在是难以下咽。我一直以能有这种思想而骄傲，这是我独立思考、知识水平更高的体现。这种自豪情绪在我看到卡梅隆等一系列国际知名大导演在采访中批评漫威是垃圾场和电影工业的破坏者后更是空前高涨——真是英雄所见略同，我想。但很可惜的是，当这些漫威迷们邀请我一起去看最新的漫威电影，思想高尚的我选择了果断赴约。在真正咀嚼这些“垃圾”时，我还是异常兴奋且满足，电影结束我还会和朋友们喋喋不休的争论彩蛋的真正指向和影片中的一些“无效”暗示。我就是那个一边拒绝着别人的施舍，一边大口扒拉碗里饭菜的人。

对我来说，生活就是一切矛盾的关键所在。当有人走过来把一叠钞票塞到你手里时，我不会是那个拒绝的人，即使我仍然无法改变我只配在小餐馆里浇愁的事实。如果事情发展的如我所想，我会以此吹嘘；一旦事情不受控制，我会因此颜面无存。但生活中一个又一个响亮的耳光使我的大脑嗡鸣作响，我似乎窥到了一级思考的一丝希望，也许像我这种与生活脱节的“知识分子”，如果不认清生活的真谛，终会死于安乐或饥荒；不是所有的东西都是甜的，也不是所有的日子都是快乐的，生活不易，好好珍惜。

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